Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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