WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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