I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
