So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize