I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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