I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
