i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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