OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
