I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize