What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
