Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
