girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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