Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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