had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
