just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
