Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
