I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
