I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
