Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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