I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
