We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
