I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
