we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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