I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
