I love black thongs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
