why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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