I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
