What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
