I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
