dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
