I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
