I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize