no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
