hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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