the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
