I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
