so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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