I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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