Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
