He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
