I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
