Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
