i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
