I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
