I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
