I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
