My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
