Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
