Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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