This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
