If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
