Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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