Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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