Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
