i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im holly from the hills drunk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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