One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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