I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
