There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The ass gains better be worth it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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