my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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