so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
