so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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