We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
