I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
