im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
