Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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