Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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