I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize