Plan B is the new Plan A
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
