Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
