when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
