Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
