I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
