Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize