Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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