so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
