I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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