dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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