they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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