theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
