Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
