I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
