Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
