On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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