nut hugger
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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