He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
