Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
