The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
