I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize