Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
