Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
