he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
