so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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