Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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