is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize