she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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