they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
