well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
