I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
