Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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