cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
