Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
bring money and cleavage
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
