dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize