this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
