Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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