Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
